Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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