Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
