She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
