in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
this is an emotional support booty call
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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