home. puking in laundry basket.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
