can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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