i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
