Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I smell like Dick and happiness
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
