he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
