The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
