Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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