umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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