I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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