I showed him my bush... on skype.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
