Screwed.edu
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
