I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
