I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
