I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
