at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
