Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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