just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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