They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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