dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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