I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize