It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
