and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
