I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize