i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
