Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
