I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
