So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
