Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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