nut hugger
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
