she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
