I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
