Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize