Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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