is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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