im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
