I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The adults are the big ones right?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
