apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
