I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
