So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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