Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
