I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
