I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
