I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
