Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
