This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
