he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
