so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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