we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
