I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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