Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
