real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize