His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
