you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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