I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
