just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
