I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
