have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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