It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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