So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
