so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
