I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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