I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
