A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You're a waste of cheezeits
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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