Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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