It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
