I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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