I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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