Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize