I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
