i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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